Can i not drive my cunt home
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i think i just lost a toe
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
