It's like God shit irony all over that family
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
