Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
