dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
