hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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