I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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