So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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