You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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