why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
