Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
