I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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