i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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