I wanna bring you to show and tell
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
