Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
