I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
4 words: hood of his car
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You ruined the universe
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
