Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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