Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
