You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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