the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
