I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
