i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
