so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
