I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
