Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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