At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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