yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
