How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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