whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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