Kiss
Puke
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
