He kissed a someone with a penis
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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