let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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