When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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