he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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