So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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