why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All I want is dick and wine.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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