I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
