Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
