why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
