He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
