I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
