I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
