just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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