Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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