If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
