Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
