i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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