So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
