Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
my poor anus
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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