Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
