she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
