i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
