my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
