the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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