carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
