I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I want a musical about memes.
jump out the window naked night went bad
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
